Are We All Suspects?

I can tell already that you and my lovely daughter and no doubt my BW would believe I made a fool of myself when I was questioned by those virtual interrogators last week. You guys readily side with the authorities for no other reason than that I don't yet have a case on Mr. Pant. Well, I never claimed I had a open-and-shut case. I had plenty of well founded suspicions.

Consider these facts. The suspectee is seen wearing a raccoon fur coat in the middle of summer. He doesn't sweat, has no visible hair of his own, speaks impeccable, articulated English and is provocative in the first degree (and caused irreparable damage to my ego). He has insisted I had agreed to do a special report for him -- no doubt involving explaining what the Earthlings are planning for future galactic wars (why else would they want information from us about our intentions?) And, you know for sure those things he bought at the local discount warehouse were not for the purpose of ingesting.

Don't think I don't know what you're thinking: you don't have a case, Bozo -- wait until Mr. Pant commits the crime he no doubt is contemplating and then you've got your smoking gun and a bona fide perpetrator, otherwise you'd have only a suspectee, which doesn't sound at all dangerous. I suppose we are all suspects in the eyes of our detractors, for who among us has not strayed from the straight and narrow -- has not drawn the crayon over the line or driven faster than the 5 mph cushion over the posted speed limit? Who among us has not dozed off (showed disrespect) while a man of God or the President has given us the benefit of their sacred wisdom?

Listen, I don't know what your politics are but I still hear people carp about our esteemed President bombing the bejesus out of the A-rab infidels before they could bomb the bejesus out of us. As the President so eloquently asked -- who are you for -- US (i.e., the U.S.) or THEM. Now, if the President can carry out -- for our sake -- preemptive war, why can't we carry out preemptive arrests, based on our gut instincts that the suspectee is "up to no good"?

A lot of people sympathetic to THEM froth at the mouth about the Guantanamo detainees not being properly held. U.S. is supposed to assign eager-for-fame lawyers to the detainees and you just know they'll all get off scot-free. They throw niceties at the judges and confuse them with LEGALISMS and then the public begins to sympathize with the poor detainees. Well, they may achieve something warm 'n' fuzzy called "justice", but to let all these suspectees loose can only imperil our precious Statue of Liberty, don't you think?

Now, I have to admit that the "gumint" was a bit high handed with the detainees swept up in the military operations in Afghanistan beginning in October, 2001. Analysis of data on 517 detainees at Guantanamo showed only 5% were captured by U.S. forces, while 86% were arrested by Pakistani and Northern Alliance (mafia of provincial war lords) forces which were paid about $5,000 for each "enemy combatant" brought to the U.S. forces (no questions asked, bounty hunters were simply given vouchers to cash in). None of these combatants have been successfully prosecuted and a conscientious and reasonable person would conclude that many if not most of the detainees were guilty of being "in the wrong place at the wrong time", a crime that could well cost you your life.

You see, this factual account supports my view that although a person is known (very highly suspected) to "be up to no good" he (or she) might well be guilty, nevertheless, of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. My advice is to forcefully avoid being in the wrong place at the wrong time, especially if your country is being invaded. Most people who might otherwise be excused for being in the wrong place at the wrong time do heed prudent advice and stay under their bed or in a closet, until invading forces have become fatigued and have gone somewhere to eat. Unfortunately, for the military commanders who do their best to be fair and just, those whose homes (including closets and beds) have been destroyed in the course of Operation Enduring Freedom should be given some mitigating considerations for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So, I would hope that those who cluck, cluck about my paranoia would at least see the justification for preemptive arrests and/or bombing, as the case may be. Even if you yourself were to be found guilty of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, a moment's reflection ought to persuade you that you had done your duty in supporting the nation's efforts in providing you and your family with national security.